How to Categorise Your Friendships Early On (So You Don’t Set Yourself Up for Disappointment)

By Shola Morgan

So, you’ve made it to your final year of university, huh? First of all, congrats—you survived!

But now that you’re looking back on everything, from late-night study sessions to drama-filled group projects, you’ve probably realized something that I did too:

Not all friendships are the same - so you might need to categorise your friendships.

And, if you’re like me, you probably wish you’d figured out how to categorize those friendships way earlier.

If I could go back and do it all again, I’d be a lot more intentional about how I approached my relationships.

Don’t get me wrong—I wouldn’t change the friendships I made, but I would have saved myself a lot of disappointment if I’d just known what kind of friend each person was meant to be.

Here’s some advice, straight from someone who’s been there and now sees things a lot clearer:

1. Friendships of Pleasure: Enjoy Them, Don’t Over-Expect

There’s nothing wrong with friendships that are all about having fun.

You know the ones I mean—the friends you call when you need to blow off steam after a long day of lectures, or the ones you go out with on a Friday night when all you want to do is have a good time.

These are friendships of pleasure. They’re light, they’re fun, and they add a lot of joy to your life.

But here’s where things get tricky.

I used to expect these friends to be there for me when I was having a hard time, and when they weren’t, I felt let down. I didn’t understand that these friendships weren’t built for that kind of emotional support.

According to HAPHE, emotional energy is a finite resource—you only have so much to give. So, it’s important to know where to invest it and what to expect in return.

The advice here?

Enjoy these friendships for what they are. They’ll give you great memories, but they won’t necessarily be the ones who are there for you at 2 a.m. when you need a deep heart-to-heart. And that’s okay.

2. Friendships of Utility: Essential, But Don’t Over-Think Them

There’s a term that sounds harsher than it is: friendships of utility. These are the friends you study with, do group projects with, or team up with for that last-minute essay crunch.

Now, before you start thinking, Wow, that sounds transactional, hear me out. These friendships are important. They help you get through university without pulling your hair out—and they help you succeed.

In my second year, I had a friend, Matt, who was my go-to for study sessions. We weren’t emotionally close, but we had each other’s backs academically.

We never hung out outside of our study group, but that didn’t mean the friendship wasn’t valuable. I didn’t expect Matt to be my emotional support—he was my study support—and that distinction made all the difference.

Here’s the key: Don’t confuse these friendships with deeper emotional connections. If you do, you might find yourself disappointed when they don’t show up for you outside of academic life. But they’re essential for getting through the practical parts of uni. Appreciate them for what they are—focused, goal-oriented relationships that help you achieve things together.

3. Friendships of the Good: Treasure Them, They’re Rare

Now, these are the gems. The friendships of the good are the deep, lasting connections built on trust, mutual respect, and emotional support. These are the friends who you can turn to when life throws its worst at you—

Whether it’s heartbreak, stress, or those late-night identity crises that seem to hit right before a major deadline.

I had a friend like this—Emma. We met early on, and over time, we grew into something deeper. She was the one I could call, no matter what was going on, and I’d do the same for her.

These friendships take time and emotional energy, and they aren’t as common as the others. But that’s what makes them special.

The advice? When you find these friends, hold on to them. But don’t expect every friendship to fall into this category, because most won’t.

You’ll save yourself a lot of frustration if you realize that the deep, meaningful connections take time, and they’re not going to be found in every single person you meet.

4. Reallocating Your Emotional Capital: Know Where to Invest

According to HAPHE, emotional investment is like currency—it’s limited, and you need to be careful where you spend it. If I’d known this back in my first year, I would have saved myself from a lot of emotional burnout.

I spent way too much energy expecting friends of pleasure or utility to give me the kind of emotional support that only deep friendships can provide.

Here’s the thing: you can’t invest the same emotional energy into every friendship. Think of your emotional capital like you would think of money—if you spent all of it on one type of investment, you’d be broke. So, diversify.

Spend your emotional energy where it makes sense. Know which friends are there for fun, which are there to help you achieve your goals, and which are there for those deep, real connections. By recognizing this early on, you won’t feel drained or let down when someone doesn’t give you what you expected.

5. Give Yourself Permission to Reallocate Friendships

This is the part I wish I had known earlier. It’s okay to reallocate friendships. A friend who was once super close might slowly shift into a different category over time—and that’s completely natural. Just because someone was a deep friend in your first year doesn’t mean they need to stay that way forever.

I had a friend, Sarah, who was once my confidante for everything. But as life got busier, our friendship shifted into more of a friendship of pleasure—grabbing coffee here and there, laughing about old times, but not diving deep into emotional territory. I used to think this meant something was wrong, but really, it was just a natural shift.

The advice? Don’t be afraid to realign your friendships. What matters is that you understand where they fit into your life now. This doesn’t mean you’re losing people—it just means you’re giving your emotional energy where it makes the most sense.

Categorise Your Friendships Early, Save Yourself Later

If there’s one thing I’ve learned after completing my final year, it’s this: categorizing your friendships early on is one of the best things you can do for your emotional well-being.

It’s not about being cold or calculated—it’s about understanding that different friendships serve different purposes.

You’re not going to find deep emotional connection with every friend, and that’s okay. Knowing who’s there for fun, who’s there to help you out, and who’s there for the long haul will save you from unnecessary disappointment.

So, as you move through university, take a moment to reflect on your friendships. Think about what kind of friend each person is—and adjust your expectations accordingly.

You’ll find that you’re happier, less frustrated, and more capable of navigating relationships without burning yourself out.

And remember: not every friendship is meant to last forever, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t valuable in their time. Know where to invest your emotional capital, and you’ll be in a much better place by the end of your university journey.